Eddie and Venom, on the run, face pursuit from both worlds. As circumstances tighten, they're compelled to make a heart-wrenching choice that could mark the end of their symbiotic partnership.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and symbiotes of all ages, it’s time to talk about Venom: Last Dance. Yes, the Eddie Brock/Venom bromance is back for one last fling, because apparently, somebody somewhere thought what we really needed in our lives was a buddy comedy wrapped in spandex, punctuated by screechy camera work, and topped off with a smattering of poorly-timed musical numbers. Spoiler alert: nobody needed that.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
Tom Hardy returns as Eddie Brock/Venom, the most toxic relationship since Ross and Rachel decided they were “on a break.” Hardy’s charisma is undeniable, but even he can only do so much when tethered to a script that feels like it was written by a committee of caffeinated squirrels.
Enter Chiwetel Ejiofor, whose gravitas could lend credibility to a toothpaste commercial, and Juno Temple, doing her best to inject some quirky charm into a movie that’s about as charming as a tax audit. Together, they form a cast that deserved better. Much better.
Plot? What Plot?
The story centers on Eddie and Venom running from—wait for it—both humans and symbiotes. Because what’s more riveting than watching a guy argue with himself while being chased? As the net tightens, Eddie faces a decision that could sever his bond with Venom forever. Heart-wrenching stuff, except it isn’t. The stakes feel lower than a limbo stick at a middle school dance.
And the ending? It’s a classic Scooby-Doo wrap-up where the big bad is defeated in a way that makes you wonder why anyone was scared in the first place. “If it weren’t for you meddling symbiotes…” Cue the eye roll.
What I Liked
Okay, I’ll give credit where it’s due. The movie throws in some Easter eggs for comic book fans, which is a nice nod to the source material—when they’re not busy trampling all over it. The humor occasionally lands, though it’s more of a polite chuckle than a belly laugh. And yes, it’s better than Venom: Let There Be Carnage, but let’s be honest, that’s like saying one paper cut is better than two.
What I Disliked
Oh, where to begin?
The storylines feel like they were ripped from five different scripts, shoved in a blender, and set to puree. The result is a narrative so incoherent it makes Inception look like a picture book.
The action sequences? Blurry, jerky messes that reek of bad CGI trying to hide in the shadows like your ex at a party. If you suffer from motion sickness, bring a barf bag.
And let’s talk about the musical numbers. When did Hollywood decide every movie needs one? This isn’t La La Land, folks. Eddie Brock breaking into song is about as necessary as a screen door on a submarine.
The Verdict
Ultimately, Venom: Last Dance is a messy, shallow spectacle that tries to do too much and ends up doing very little. It’s not entirely without merit—Tom Hardy’s performance and the occasional laugh keep it from being a total disaster—but it’s a far cry from what it could have been.
Ranking: 5.0/10
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