A couple celebrates their son's birthday in the middle of the ocean on their boat . A violent storm hits and it brings up hungry creatures from the depths and they fight for their survival.
Ah, the joys of low-budget cinema—where the stakes are real, the monsters are questionable, and the dialogue translations are just coherent enough to remind you that Google Translate has feelings too. Let’s dive into “Survive,” the new creature feature that takes its cues from “Jaws” (1975), slaps on a family drama, and then tosses it all into the middle of a very angry ocean. Spoiler alert: The water’s not the only thing teeming with predators.
The Plot
“Survive” follows a couple—played by Émilie Dequenne and Andreas Pietschmann—as they celebrate their son’s birthday aboard their boat, ominously named Orca. Yes, that Orca, as in “Jaws” nostalgia bait. Things are fine at first. There’s cake, awkward family bonding, and some questionable life choices, like bringing a kid to the middle of nowhere—sorry, I mean the vast ocean—to celebrate his big day. Then a storm rolls in, and with it, a buffet of bloodthirsty aquatic nightmares. Cue the chaos.
Lisa Delamar joins the cast as some sort of friend/random human collateral damage whose primary job is to scream on cue and make you wonder why she’s even there in the first place. But hey, maybe she’s symbolic of something—like why you should vet your storm preparedness buddies more carefully.
What I Liked
Let’s give credit where it’s due. First off, it’s refreshingly Hollywood-free. No Brad Pitt cameos, no Jennifer Lawrence crying monologues—just solid performances from actors who probably didn’t have their own trailers on set. It’s almost like someone grabbed some real people and said, “Hey, how about you get eaten by CGI sea monsters?” And it works. Dequenne and Pietschmann bring a grounded energy that almost—almost—makes you forget the ridiculousness of the plot.
The tension? Palpable. Director Jacques Somebody (I’m too lazy to Google, sue me) knows how to milk a moment for all its worth. The storm scenes had me clutching my metaphorical pearls, even as I laughed at the characters’ absolutely bonkers decision-making. Let’s just say you’ll never look at a life raft the same way again.
Also, props for working wonders with what I’m assuming was a budget that wouldn’t even cover a Marvel movie’s catering bill. The effects are decent, the cinematography doesn’t make you seasick, and the creatures—while not groundbreaking—are scary enough to make you keep your feet firmly planted on dry land.
What I Didn’t Like
Oh boy, where to start? The dialogue. Oh, the dialogue. Look, I get it. Translating from French to English is tricky. But some of the lines are so clunky you’ll want to keep the subtitles on, just to double-check what you heard. There’s a moment where Andreas’s character screams, “We must stop the water from wetting everything!” I kid you not. This man’s battling sea monsters, and he’s worried about damp upholstery.
And then there are the leaps of logic. Imagine you’re stranded in the ocean, fighting off monsters with mouths like paper shredders. Do you: A) hide in the boat’s secure cabin, or B) swim out to retrieve a bag of snacks you forgot on deck? If you picked B, congratulations, you’re ready to star in the sequel.
Let’s not forget the indestructible Jason Voorhees-like survivor trope. There’s a moment where a character that just keeps chasing the family at a snails pace. It’s both hilarious and infuriating.
Easter Eggs and Trivia
For the film nerds: Yes, the boat’s name, Orca, is a wink at “Jaws.” It’s a clever nod that almost distracts you from the fact that this movie is more of a “Jaws 3D” than an “OG Jaws.”
Also, watch for the scene where Lisa Delamar’s character reads a book titled “How to Avoid Bad Decisions” while literally making one. If that’s not meta, I don’t know what is.
To Dub or Not to Dub
For the love of all that’s holy, stick with subtitles. The English dubbing sounds like someone grabbed a bunch of interns from HR and told them to give it a go. If you’re fluent in French, congratulations—you’ll have the purest experience. If not, just embrace the subtitles and try to ignore the fact that half the dialogue sounds like it came from a rejected episode of “Lost.”
Final Thoughts
“Survive” is not a masterpiece. It’s not going to win any awards. But it’s fun, it’s tense, and it’s the kind of movie you watch when you’re tired of superheroes and big-budget explosions. It’s a scrappy underdog that punches above its weight class, even if it occasionally trips over its own feet.
Would I watch it again? Probably not. Would I recommend it to friends? Absolutely, but only after a couple of drinks and a “don’t take it too seriously” disclaimer.
Rating: 6.2/10
Come for the sea monsters, stay for the unintentional comedy.
Comments